toy

I had a toy. You had a toy. My toy was different. My toy had four wheels. It went very fast and very far when I pushed it. My toy could drive up walls, climb the stairs, it floated in bath water, it could fly, it traveled to the moon, to mars and beyond. You are saying that you had a toy that could do this.  In the day my toy was iridescent. At night my toy was a phosphorescent blue. Now I am losing you. You had a toy that glowed. You had a toy that made silly noises. No matter how hard I played with my toy I could not destroy it, I threw it against a wall, I placed it on hot coals, I submerged it in water, I attacked it with a hammer, with a butter knife, I covered it in paper glue. You broke your toy. You placed on the fire. You forgot about your toy. It eroded. My mother said the toy was made out of cardboard. My father said the toy was stainless steel. As long as I did not put it into my mouth my mother and father really didn’t care what my toy was shaped from. My toy tasted of bread and butter, of fried chicken, of strawberries, of vanilla ice-cream, of popcorn, of treacle. During the day when I played with my toy in the front room, in the dinning room, in the kitchen, I did not put it into my mouth, but at night in my bed I sucked upon my toy instead of the pacifier, instead of my thumb, instead of the sheet. In my mouth it hummed soft, stirring slightly, my nights were very pleasant, my dreams happy. You had a toy like this. You loved that toy. But your toy was not like my toy.  When I asked my toy to stop, it berated me and abused me and called me stupid. My toy bit me. The bite swelled and bloated, it hemorrhaged, it scabbed, it healed, I forgave my toy. My toy was not a dog, not a cat. My toy allowed me to climb on its back and it took me on many journeys. We traveled over vast lands, through thick jungles, between deep valleys, down mighty rivers, over vast oceans. I have lost you now. When my toy screamed glass shattered, mirrors cracked. My toy knew all the dirty words and taught me each and every one and how to use the dirty words. My toy told me about booze and drugs. My toy knew how to steal, how to lie, how to cheat. It told me about the secrets of my mother and father and about their naughty bits.  At night my toy showed me dirty pictures of women and men. My toy showed me women with women, and men with men. My toy showed me how to pleasure myself. My toy pleasured me. My toy engulfed my penis and sucked my penis. My toy inserted itself into my anus and stimulated the nerveendings. If there was movement in the hall my toy stopped. Now I have lost you. You never had a toy like my toy but you wished you have a toy like my toy.  When I was happy my toy sang soft songs about rabbits, squirrels, butterflies, about walled-in gardens, unicorns, lions and beautiful Madonnas. When I was upset the toy shouted that I should hit the person that upset me, my toy told me how to garrote, how to poison, how to attack with a knife, how to aim a gun. My toy had two guns at the back and three rocket launchers on the front. My toy gunned down my mother and father. My mother’s apertures bled profusely. My father was turned to ash. My toy blew up my home. It went through the neighborhood killing, destroying, breaking homes, blowing up cars. It went to my school, my church, my mall and broke them all. My toy fired rockets into the night sky and huge mushrooms clouds turned the day into night, it turned grass into dust, pets into slush, and the people into shadows. My toy like an eraser rubbed out the moon and the sun.  

Paul Kavanagh