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Short stories

family (innit)

Jenny stabs John in the arm with the knife that was supposed to have cut through the rojak salad with avocado (the brother and sister are still in the abeyance of a feral affair which has been swirling inertly for twenty months an affair that allows John to play Aunt Elizabeth the cripple and Jenny to play bare-knuckle boxer bone crusher Seth Seddon.  Aunt Elizabeth the cripple (a real aunt) and bare-knuckle boxer bone crusher Seth Seddon have a proclivity for hard drugs during their S&M sojourns. Or “sojruns” hahahahaha bare-knuckle boxer bone crusher Seth Seddon to Aunt Elizabeth the cripple with a tattooed fist lodged in a smarting leaking anus. The pain dulled with miasmic (fetid) euphoria. And there is more, the sister and brother during ah but who cares I don’t) and bacon bits covered with balsamic and lemon drippings. Seeing (cavernous mouth & bad teeth & mushy spit) and hearing (deafening & mocking) Ben laughing at John bleeding from the arm still with the knife deep in the arm that was supposed to have cut through the rojak salad with avocado and bacon bits covered with balsamic and lemon drippings Mark (Ben’s brother) picks up a corkscrew, but decides not today, there are still many bottles of wine to be opened, so instead, places the corkscrew in vicinity of the unopened wine bottles (maybe twenty four) and picks up a cold poker, the fire has yet to be lit, it is summer time, nights do get cold here in the mountains, and hits Ben over the head with the cold poker (the brothers until recently were the best of friends. The best! I mean they called themselves the “Siamese Shaggers.” They spitroasted boys and girls. They never copulated alone. It was forbidden. Mark was blown by Ben’s Wife and Ben was blown by Mark’s Wife. Oh, they were doppelganger fuckers! Tradition they called it. They were twins afterall.  But when Father expired and left all of his money to ah but who cares I don’t) and blood sprays Ben’s wife Lucy and so Lucy jumps up and lands on the back of Mark and digs her nails into his face (Lucy (a council crumpet) survived life on a council estate in an ambience of alcohol & wife beating & thievery & other kinds of lowlife stuff. Lucy has fit as a ah but who cares I don’t) seeing the nails removing skin and extracting blood from the face of Mark while he is screaming “Get her off me the cunt”, May, Mark’s wife, May grabs Mother’s favourite vase and smashes it over Lucy’s head (the vase was stolen maybe traded for opium during the Qing dynasty by a Captain in the Marines by the name of Captain Patrick Bur ah but who cares I don’t) and Lucy falls down dead, well, not dead, but looking dead, Oh if only ( she has a few tales to tell about me ah but who cares I don’t) and so Mark, screaming and swearing, bleeding and smarting from the face, tells all about Jenny and me joining a cult (we are both members of a church that is getting ready for the apocalypse ah but who cares I don’t) now shocked the whole family gets in on the fight over other secrets, many secrets, too many secrets, and I turn to Jenny and say “I told you so” and Jenny turns to me and quotes Tolstoy (clever bitch showing off) and then “it started off so well” and we laugh & drink wine & watch the fighting and then suddenly the door opens and ah but who cares I don’t.  

Joel Woodward

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