For The Reader’s Digest

Hi, I’m Joe’s anus.

I like to talk, but Joe doesn’t very often let me.

My idea of a good sandwich

is liverwurst on white bread

with a side order of onion rings.

I turn my nose up at vegetarians.

I only have one eye and I

constantly concentrate on keeping

it trained on my inner self.

I don’t know anything about art,

but I do like Norman Rockwell.

If I had one wish

I would be Treasurer of the United States,

or maybe Bert Parks.

My favorite sport is baseball.

I thrill to the crack of the bat

and the towering blast exploded over

the centerfield wall

and into the mezzanine

where old drunks get their pockets picked

by truant schoolboys.

Like that of the housewife, my work

is never done. I have never slept a wink

in my entire life, and yet,

I am certain I have a firm grip

on what dreams are.

Willie Smith

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