Match Report

“Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.” Roy Keane Darwin Hill.   27/8/2020 13:01: The score is twenty-one nil. I missed my vocation. Yes, it really is twenty-one nil. I should be doing something else, maybe teaching literature. The pitch is a mud bath. The wind is coming down off the mountains with unmitigated thuggery. The rain […]


It is time for our game. Do not worry it is not a long game. I don’t play long games. You don’t play long games, if you did you would not be here. Sometimes I wish I would or could. There are such games that are long but our game will be short. Within the […]


Preacher been fucking the wife. Get into a gunfight up and down the aisles; shooting through pews, winging hymnals, dinging collection plate; ricochets whistle ire, targets praying to acquire. Near nail the sumbitch with a beautiful shot, him skeeting across the choir. The Son’s hardly settled  with corn and coke to watch the fun, when […]


I had a toy. You had a toy. My toy was different. My toy had four wheels. It went very fast and very far when I pushed it. My toy could drive up walls, climb the stairs, it floated in bath water, it could fly, it traveled to the moon, to mars and beyond. You […]

What About Feathers?

There was a loud knock. It’s that kind of place. There’s always a noise, something falling to pieces, asking to be repaired. I was working. Trying to write a novel. I’d been trying for years, decades, but now I’d finally got into the rhythm of it. I’d just passed 1000 words for the day. I […]


     The horniest picture I ever saw was in National Geographic. It was a spider’s asshole magnified fifty times. Resembled a soggy Cheerio on a slate background.      I haven’t been the same since. Because I wanna do me one, and no live spider is big enough to accommodate.      I’ve tried jacking off on […]


Once upon a time you could only hold one conversation but now you have the ability to communicate on many levels and simultaneously. It starts with the toes the lips the nose the eyebrows it starts with the heels the calves the backside the shoulder blades the back of the head. The things pointing upward […]


Darned my socks, dammed the pots and pans. Tinkered around the garage. Puttered into the kitchen. Fixed a stew. Vomited into the sink. Shit in the wastebasket. Beheaded the doorknob with an icepick. Pumped the shotgun with buckshot. Ducked out front, mowed down the lawn. Emptied the garbage on top of the slaughter. Dumped in […]

deer and ducks

she told me a storyof wandering the earthset forth against forceslarger than hershe walked neighborhoodsnight and dayand told me sheencounteredhissing deerandducks rapingducksi didn’t knowwhat to sayand soonafter thatwe partedon the drive homei fell asleepand when i awokei was in my drivewaythere were no ducks aroundandi wasthankful forthat. Tohm Bakelas


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